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Author Questions and Answers! |
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1. What made you think you should write a book?
We were off school because all the teachers were on a training day. (Ha ha! I thought they were supposed to TEACH not learn!) Anyway the postman had left a parcel at our house for number 13 so I took it round to the grumpy old man that lives there. I made him open it, and it was a parcel of books that were ALL THE SAME! It turns out he writes MURDEROUS MATHS books and he was getting lots of copies of his own book. Honestly, how sad was that?
Not very big, but bigger than “Duck’s Happy Day” which only has four pages and a squeaker thing in the back, only ours doesn’t work any more because I dropped it in the bath when I was aged 2. Pity, that book was well cool. Oh, and my book has 10,134 words in it which sounds a lot, but if you read it fast you can do it in about an hour. My friend Ivy said she read it in 2 minutes, but she’s lying, she only looked at the pictures to see if there was one of her doing the splits! (There isn’t by the way which is a good job because when she does it, it looks like her leg’s coming off EEKY FREAK!)
AGES! Well I didn’t exactly write it, I just talked and the old man typed it out, but it took almost the whole afternoon. It would have been quicker if he hadn’t kept stopping to check if he’d got any emails, but he never had. (What a loser! )
I go to Odd Street School which is at the end of Odd Street where I live. Some people have to fly round the world to get good ideas for stories, but I don't need to do that!
Maybe. Well actually I've told the grumpy old man six stories which he has typed out for me, but so far but the printers haven't printed them all yet because they're a bit slow ha ha! By the way, my Floating Head book is coming out in other languages including RUSSIAN! My name will be something like Agasti Parroski. How cool is that? YAHOO! I can't wait to read it, even if I can't actually read it, if you know what I mean.
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Anyway I asked him what his next book was about and he said he didn’t know. So then I said he should write about our school and I told him about the time Martha’s head floated away and exploded and he just typed it all out. And he gave me a cup of tea and three biscuits, so that was my author wages I suppose. It was better than nothing which is what he’d have got if I hadn’t been there ha ha!
Ivy’s completely nuts and always swings on her washing line then jumps over her garden gate, so WAHOO GO IVY! We love Ivy. Big jolly Martha is good too, although she gets a bit poorly from eating octopus paste in the Floating Head book. Then there’s the teachers including our teacher Miss Pingle who can’t work computers (ha ha!) and her hair changes colour every week. This week it’s olive green by the way. Hmmm… it’s daring and yet refined. I’d give it 7/10.
(And you’re not allowed to laugh at that because it isn’t funny. Well all right, it IS funny but if she so much as catches you smiling, you’ll be DEAD.)
So far I’ve written out most of the words in my spelling book. I’ve also filled about 12 numeracy books, 9 literacy books and once did a project about how the sun makes plants grow which Miss Barking gave me a gold star for. And a gold star from Miss B is a lot harder to get than the Guardian Book of the Year award I can tell you, so there.
THANKS for reading all my author questions!